It's because we need it. Do we want it? Well, honestly, no we don't. What we would really like is the result. You have to admit, if you could have the end result without going through it, you'd take that result in a heartbeat!
Growth - it hurts. It's a pain. It's frustrating, why can't it just happen instantenously (sp?) and be done with it?! Patience - a virtue I was born without. ...ask my husband, children, and parents....they will agree with me.
I knew this year would be difficult. However, can it please be over now? Please?
Am I rambling about marriage? HECK NO! I've never enjoyed life more EVER! Am I rambling about being a mother? NOPE! Are these frustrating? haha! Only momentarily...more with myself than my family.
We are getting lessons in faith. That is what I am rambling about. God is bound and determined to awaken the hearts of His people and teach them faith through thick and through thin. The kind of faith that says, "It might be pitch black out with wolves snarling at my heels and spiders crawling all over everything (yes - I loathe spiders) but still, I will have faith that Christ's blood covers me and I am redeemed! I have the strength of the Father inside of me and nothing can knock me down!"
The tears have been flowing much more frequently. My vision is terribly near sighted. The "mole hills" surrounding me appear as though they are Mt. Everest. I haven't the strength on my own to carry on. These are too near and dear to my heart - the pain is more than I can bear. But Christ stretched His arms out and told me "I love you this much. How much do you love me?" Trembling I stretch out my arms, "I love you this much, my LORD." The devil sees me and tries his hardest to hit my heart.
I can't delve into what is going on. Mostly because it changes every moment of every day. Partially because it is painful and being that vulnerable is not something I can do right now. But the devil is trying to attack my family, my job, my heart....he can't win. The war is over - the battle is won.
Let me share some verses that have been holding me...
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING." ~ John 15:5
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I, even I, am the LORD, and apart from me there is no savior. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?" I am the LORD, your Holy One, Israel's Creator, your King." ~ Isaiah 43 (various verses)
Stephen, Kyle, Abby, and I are doing fabulous. The pictures are true pictures - we are loving being a family. Please understand, God has blessed us beyond measure! However, join with us as we pray for God to continue to bind us together. It is my honest belief that because the devil sees what a powerful witness we are for Christ as a blended family, he is doing his best to hinder us. Isn't it wonderful to know that despite his best efforts, the devil is failing?
My tears? Tears of praise, tears of weariness when my eyes are not solely focused on my Lord, tears of prayer begging God to protect my precious children from pain and to bless my husband.
My cup is full beyond measure and flowing over. I am blessed!
