April 21

I still haven't figured out yet why the website won't allow me to add pictures.

Of course, in order to figure it out, you have to actually sit down and fiddle around with the website. What a novel idea ;-)

Today I took the last of my tests to try for my NY teacher certification. 

Anxiety seems to be a dominant thing for me lately.

Test anxiety

Anxiety about if I don't make it

if I DO make it

if I don't find a teaching position

if I DO find a teaching position

if I am required to get my masters

UGH!

So, sounds like fun, right?

Well, God has been working on me a lot lately.

Such an uncomfortable process.

Can I get an Amen?

Well, it has all been good.

Painful, but isn't all growth painful? My aunt helps grow butterflies. As in she plants the milkweed and sets up a protective net as soon as the chrysalis is formed. Once the butterflies emerge, she unzips the net and allows them to fly free. It is a beautiful and wondrous event to witness.

Long have I been told that our lives are similar to the butterfly's. 

I now believe it. I feel as if I am in that chrysalis becoming goop (very technical term) so that one day, He might use me for His glory. Oh, how I wish that day were now! I seriously feel as if all I am doing is blundering from one mistake to another.

That is the real reason I have not been writing. My eyes were so blinded to my own foolishness that all I did was point at everyone else. God is so good though. So very patient with this stubborn, strong willed, hard headed child. No, everyone else is not perfect. However, how can God get to them and help them if I am constantly standing up and hollering and causing such a ruckus that everyone else cannot hear His still, small voice?

Two people have been extremely instrumental in my rather obvious epiphany. They may not know it, but they have been. They will deny it, but it is true. Some days I call twice a day, sometimes every day, sometimes every other day. I am sure that at times they just shudder and think, "PLEASSE just drink some tea!" (because they are CONSTANTLY riding me to stop drinking coffee - devil water they call it. ;-)

Instead of soothing me and saying, "Poor Elizabeth, your life is so terrible." 

They said something more along the lines of, "Dear Elizabeth, our God is so much greater than your anxiety, your pain, your bitterness, your (fill in the blank.)"

Of course, they are right.

They are always right.

*shudder*

Those words are like vinegar in a child's mouth, just in case you wanted to know.

What have I changed?

I have changed my routines. God has dropped some amazing things into my life and I am attempting to make the most of each thing.

1. First5 app

No, I am not gaining anything by telling you about it. However, if you have an android or an iphone, I highly recommend downloading this free devotional app. It has been a huge blessing and opened my eyes to so many connections within Scripture. It is wonderful!

2. Discipleship study

This one is tough. Very tough. It has caused me to squirm and attempt to get out of the nitty gritty questions that are posed. God has been using it to help me grow. Between these two studies, I have to spend time in the Word 2x/day. It is FABULOUS!

3. Fitness

I am attempting to become more consistent. Through much trial and error, I have discovered the magic formula for what my body requires. It is tough. But!!!!! the First5 app opened my eyes to how God sees my body - His temple. 

Granted, He is not only interested in me, He is interested in all of His children! I just have to be a good witness for Him and take care of what He has blessed me with.

4. My perspective.

Perspective is everything. It is literally ridiculous how much perspective changes everything. There are many things that are being adjusted in reference to my perspective. One day I hope to share them. However, today is not that day.

I will try to share more as I can. But it is just so wonderful to see how faithful God is through all of this. God has provided an AMAZING support network for all of us up here. WE have a wonderful church. We all have extremely great occupations (jobs and schools - kids and adults) We have the sweetest neighbors! AH! So many great things going on with our neighbors!!! I will have to write about that another time. God has also blessed me with some WONDERFUL, FABULOUS, MAGNIFICENT, SWEET and INCREDIBLE friends to help me through my fitness/nutrition/life. LOVE those sisters SO much! More on that later as well. Love you all! Keep it real!