I'm no good

Seriously, I'm not. I stink - not literally because I just took a shower...yes, I used soap, shampoo, and conditioner. But for real. I stink. I stink at being alone. I stink at being still. No wonder God has to hit me so hard just to get me to hear His voice.

I love listening to His voice and following His will, when it coincides with my own. Yesterday it did not. I had a plan. A perfect plan...well, not perfect because that would have included me seeing my brother, sister (techinically "in-law" but she is amazing so I tend to drop the "in-law" plus her last name is Kafoure which is my maiden name.) Anyhoot, I was going to see them then plans got changed and changed again. I don't appreciate changes in my plans. God is teaching me flexibility. So now, I am ok with what He has done. But I still stink. I stink at being alone. It gives too much time to think and rest. I don't like resting.

It requires you to be still.

I have no children at home. I don't like that. My preference is to hear them laughing and playing. Even the occasional squabble would be welcome to the overpowering silence that currently reigns in my home. ...well, except for the fact I just turned on the radio to fill the silence. Do you see what I mean? I don't do silence!

Ok, so maybe that's why God hit me and made me be home alone right now. He and I had it out yesterday. So you know I was supposed to have that procedure done on Thursday. Well, after talking with the doctor's office yesterday, I discovered he is no longer comfortable doing the procedure this week. Why? Oh because he would be going on vacation Friday and leaving me in the hospital with no other urologist nearby. My initial thought was, "Well then, change your vacation."

My ever wise mother reminded me that I need to be thanking God for how He is going to work through the delay. My mother in law reminded me the same thing & that I'm not this doctor's only patient. My selfish reaction was, "Yeah, but this is me and I'm special." If Stephen were here, he'd say, "Yes, honey, you are special." No...I don't mean special like that! I mean I'm being selfish and I want this fixed! I had a plan!

God patiently chuckles and does what He knows is best anyways.

Kind of like when Kyle doesn't want to eat veggies, just dessert.

Or when Abby doesn't want to take a nap after staying up late and getting up early.

We don't want to do what is best, we want what is fun.

Having surgery isn't fun. But being pain free would be fun! So, tentatively we are scheduled for March 16th if TriCare will approve. My mother laughed at me when she heard that.

Why?

Because my momma knows it will take a LOT to get me to rest and be still for 2 weeks straight. You see, Stephen will hopefully now be with me when I have the procedure done. (PARTY!!!!) The day after the procedure my mother & father in law arrive. My mom will be there the day of the procedure. 2 moms....1 dad....I have no hope! I probably won't even be allowed to lift the coffee mug to my own lips.

Yesterday we did learn that there is a minimum 2 day stay in the hospital. Ugh! Good thing everyone will be here because my babies will be home by then!

Oh, by the way, I miss them. I want their snuggles. I want their hugs and kisses. I want to have to leave the room so Abby won't see me laughing at how she is aggravating her brother. I want to have to pretend to be upset and choking when Kyle makes an obvious statement in a whiny question. I want to see his face break into a smile when he realizes what he has done. I want to hear Abby look at me with her big smile and say, "You Loooooove me!" when she realizes she has been caught annoying him.

I want my babies home.

5 days and 6 hours and 30 minutes until they are home.

I want my husband to put his arms around me and make me laugh when all I really want is to cry.

3 days and 5 hours and 49 minutes until he lands in Jackson.